Lakers Diehard Michael Scott Roasts the NBA

Michael Scott, diehard Lakers fan, enters the office with 29 notecards after having to endure a full work’s day worth of Jim, Pam, Creed, Kevin, Andy, Dwight and the rest of The Office making fun of his favorite team’s misfortune especially in light of the unfortunate D’Angelo Russell/Nick Young situation.  He is in a bad mood.



Atlanta Hawks – “Your team is stuck in a Joe Johnson 50 win purgatory and is about to blow up it’s team…again. Boom, roasted”

Boston Celtics – “Your GM has more draft picks than anybody in the league and doesn’t know how to draft. Boom, roasted”

Brooklyn Nets – “By the time your team recovers from the KG-Paul Pierce trade – oh wait, that’ll never happen. Boom, roasted.”

Charlotte Hornets – “Your one season of fun will be gone as soon as Batum leaves and no free agent even considers this team. Boom, roasted”

Chicago Bulls – “Pau will be gone. Joakim Noah will be gone. The team doesn’t trust Fred Hoiberg or Jimmy Butler. You fired Thibs for no reason. Boom, roasted”

Cleveland Cavaliers – “LeBron is your player, coach, GM, owner, and he’s only really really good at one of those things. Also he will leave you for the Banana Boat team. Boom, roasted”

Dallas Mavericks – “You wasted Dirk’s paycut and the end of his prime and Jae Crowder on players like Rajon Rondo. Boom, roasted”

Denver Nuggets – “Emmanuel Mudiay is shooting 35.4% from the field and 30.4% from the 3. Boom, roasted”

Detroit Pistons – “Andre Drummond can never fulfill his destiny as a superstar shooting 36% from free throw line. Also, that Aron Baynes contract is still hilarious. Boom, roasted”

Golden State Warriors – “You’re ruining the game, you’re about to sign Harrison Barnes to a max contract, and Luke Walton – the real head coach – is about to coach the next Lakers dynast. Boom, roasted”

Houston Rockets – “You have Dwight Howard. Boom, roasted.”

Indiana Pacers – “Paul George will demand a trade soon. Boom, roasted”

Los Angeles Clippers – “You’re about to break up your core because GM Doc couldn’t do a good enough job. Your best player on paper punched a team employee. Chuck the Condor is stupid. Boom, roasted”

Memphis Grizzlies – “Marc Gasol is done, Mike Conley is going to leave. Grit and Grind is dead. Boom, roasted”

Miami Heat – “Dwyane Wade is going to demand more money than you can afford while trying to field a really good team. Pat Riley is old. Boom, roasted”

Milwaukee Bucks – “Jason Kidd is going to try to take over the GM role and it will cause a Nets-level toxic situation that will ruin Giannis. Also – how did that MCW-Brandon Knight trade work out? Boom, roasted”

Minnesota Timberwolves – “Sam Mitchell will destroy the souls of every single player before he leaves. Boom, roasted”

New Orleans Pelicans – “You fired Monty Williams and somehow downgraded in coaching. Anthony Davis hasn’t ever played more than 68 games in a single season. Boom, roasted”

New York Knicks – “Phil will only hire a triangle coach which means you’re either stuck with Kurt or Brian Shaw. And then Phil will resign after things get worse. Boom, roasted”

Oklahoma City Thunder – “When KD and Russ leave, your shitty owners will be left with nothing and you’ll be the new Hinkie 76ers . Boom, roasted”

Orlando Magic – “Scott Skiles is your head coach. Elfrid Payton and Victor Oladipo can’t play together and everybody knows it. Boom, roasted”

Philadelphia 76ers – “Trust the process. Sam Hinkie. Boom, roasted”

Phoenix Suns – “You have lost every asset you built up and will ruin Devin Booker too. You let Isiah Thomas go. Boom, roasted”

Portland Trail Blazers – “You traded Nicolas Batum for Noah Vonleh. Boom, roasted”

Sacramento Kings – “You just signed Vlade to a silly extension, Boogie and the rest of the team hates their head coach – who you fired and then un-fired in embarrassing fashion. Boom, roasted”

San Antonio Spurs – “You might win 70 games and lose before the Finals. Boom, roasted”

Toronto Raptors – “You’re going to blow it again and then lose DeMar. Boom, roasted”

Utah Jazz – “You’ve never won the championship. Boom, roasted”

Washington Wizards – “You have no choice but to sign often injured Bradley Beal to a long-term deal, won’t get Kevin Durant, and your city is still cursed. Boom, roasted”

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