Anonymous Letter

From: Anonymous,

To: “NBA Expert LOL” <>,

Hi “Daman” (if that’s even your real name),

Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’ve been following your tweets and your “writing” all year. You tweet a lot, I don’t understand how you tweet as much as you do honestly, do you have a life? Anyways, I digress.

You fancy yourself an NBA expert, you don’t say that you are, but we all know you think it. Then why don’t you explain this:

Or how about this, genius?

Hot take? Your Daman Whitlock routine is as tired as your “recommending NBA podcasts every day so you can hopefully butter your way into being a guest on one” shtick, we see right through it bro.

But let’s get to the real reason I decided to waste my time on your “fake NBA personality” ass:


Now let’s see what the actual results were:

Screen Shot 2017-04-14 at 11.59.28 AM.png

How does this make you feel? Why haven’t you just deleted your account and maybe started watching Lacrosse or something so you can leave us alone?

Let’s go through your biggest misses to see if you can actually learn from and not make mistakes like this in the future (although we both know you’re too arrogant to do such a thing):

Washington Wizards (Predicted Wins: 41, Actual 49): You read way too much into the Bradley Beal/John Wall relationship in the summer and you foolishly assumed that the Wizards slow start validated your concerns. Remember a few things: John Wall is incredible, the East is still relatively soft, and this team is full of vets that fit together very well. You also forgot about the steady progression of a player like Otto Porter Jr. Just because a young player doesn’t “pop” when you expect him to, it doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. Players develop on their own time, this is a common mistake of your bad analysis.

Next, Scott Brooks probably got too much grief about his OKC Thunder tenure, and you bought into the groupthink that diminished his abilities. Yes, he ultimately had run his course with that team, but that doesn’t take away from the years he let Russell Westbrook be himself and figured out a way to make two inherently high usage players work well together. In addition, he helped develop a ton of other younger talent over the years, something you should have predicted he does in Washington. Remember this!

New York Knicks (Predicted Wins: 41, Actual 31): You trusted Phil Jackson the Executive, James Dolan the Owner, and Triangle the Offense. Shame on you.

Milwaukee Bucks (Predicted Wins 33, Actual 42): You let your fancy shmancy analytics love for Khris Middleton cloud your judgment. Yes it was going to be a blow to the team, but Jabari Parker was going to be one year better and GIANNIS ANTETOKOUNMPO is a superstar. Yes, this team will need Middleton and Parker healthy to make some noise and take their next step, but don’t over think this next time – Giannis is η πραγματική διαπραγμάτευση.

San Antonio Spurs (Predicted 54, Actual 61): You trusted Phil Jackson and you distrusted Gregg Popovich. How dumb do you feel right now? Dumber than when you tweeted this?

Houston Rockets (Predicted 43, Actual 55): You forgot that whenever Dwight Howard leaves a team, the locker room gets 612.4% happier (per Basketball Reference). You forgot that James Harden bounces back from “off” seasons better than anybody at his level. You forgot that Mike D’Antoni with a wealth of shooters (especially with the Ryan Anderson and Eric Gordon off-season additions) and a transcendent playmaker is Regular Season magic. Who knows how this team will do in the playoffs, but this team was going to be good in the regular season, bozo.

Minnesota Timberwolves (Predicted 42, Actual 31): Young teams don’t win, dummy. There’s too much to learn, especially defensively, for a team that’s almost entirely young players to be good at this early in their development. Thibs is a good coach, but he’s not a magician, and the expectation that his presence would elevate this team to a playoff contender was a bad one. On top of that, players develop at their own pace. No player or team is expected to reach the next level (and the next 2 after that) on the same pace and timeline. You consider yourself a “fan” of the Lakers (probably a bandwagoner, we see how much you slurp the Warriors now) right? Don’t forget this lesson next year. Yes, your team should get better, and a player like Ingram showed a lot of promise in the 2nd half of the season, but don’t get impatient and don’t expect too much too early. Just enjoy the progression and the journey upwards, moron.

OKC Thunder (Predicted 40, Actual 47): You forgot how glorious the power of rage is. Russell Westbrook is running 100% on rage, adrenaline, and pure vitriol towards Kevin DuFRAUD and anybody overthinking his MVP vote is just a big of an idiot as you are.



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